21 April, 2007

Scream

You probably know what it feels like when you are down and you feel so low you just want to scream out loud so that all the world can hear you...
Exams coming up, and I've never tried going through anything like this without the extra support you have with a girlfriend. Someone you can talk to about everything. Someone that understands you and knows exactly what to stay to make you feel better. Something I feel I've only shared once, truly. And then I have to try and scrape through A levels to get to the next level - life really could not be any more like a game.
To pass level 1 you have to do this - cant fail. Level 2 is harder and involves more thinking. You have to be really determined to beat level 3, and do some obscure tasks. Then level 4 seems really easy on the surface, but once you start it it is almost impossible to complete. Then you do it. And level 5 is the same, and every time you think that you are about to complete the level, there is something else to do, and another thing and another thing. and then right when you feel you have definitely definitely finished, you die. Game Over. and that is it.
Well I want my life to be different. Free from the system... but that just won't happen. not in this world or any other. Oh how great is life!

5 comments:

Marika said...

Yes, i do no what that feels like. And i know what it feels like to feel so helpless you cant do anything but laying on the floor and staring at the sealing. But the thing is, no one can really do anything about that, which is a reason to why i newer let my scream come out...if you scream, the chance is rather that you will get in troubble...no one can do anything but to listen and to be there, wich is really all it takes, i think...it has to be. And that is what a boyfriend or a girlfriend is for, i suppose...but you dont really have to be in a relationship for that, because isnt that what you have friends for as well? Perhaps its different for a guy, i dont know; dont you guys talk to each other?
Anywhay, in a strange way, i somehow feel it is a comfort to know there isnt anything you can do, because when you realise that, there is nothing left but to give up or continue...or maybe im being dangeorusly easygoing.It would really be nice to break free from all demands and just to be...and that is in fact something you can actually do if you want. I know its stressfull that exams and tests decide your whole life when everyone really knows howe different they can be depending in wich mood you are. The thing is just to relax and tell yourself that it doesnt matter. I know its not easy. But since i stopped being so hystericall about everything and just started to take it as it came, relaxed and stopped worrying about it, everything have became so much easier. Some may say that is a form of indifference, and maybe it is, but it works.

Well, maybe this seems like crazy-talk to you...well, i'll publice it anywhay, with my usual spellingmistakes, (i was on a real roll), and maybe it can do som good.

Linden Parker said...

I talk to my female friends about how I'm feeling more than my male friends, but I don't think it is the same as being understood inside-out by another person.

Linden Parker said...

By the way Marika, do you have a blog or a website or something?

Marika said...

If i got a blog, i'd be obsessed by it and feel compelled to write in it regurlarly, and that would smasch my newly aquired harmony to peieces. But people always say i should.

I you want my email adress, i could give it to you...perhaps...should i...? I dont know...If i do, dont expect anything. I hate to promise things.

Marika said...

Besides; youre right that its not the same thing to talk to a friend...i've thougt a lot about whats really the difference between friendship and love. Perhaps its just that you have the curriage to open up more in a relationship, because that is, after all, a promice to concentrate on each other. You should be able to do so to more people, but its understandable that you dont.